Thursday, October 30, 2014

Post abuse letter to my Narc.



Saw you today while out doing some things.  I recognized the way you walk, the stance, the leer, the tilt of your head.  If I could go back several years and instead of wedding bells.  Hear the warning siren of alarm bells ringing, How things would be so different.  A heart so wounded, so  frightened of my own choices.  Pretend to be strong and enduring when inside I’m alone and wondering.  No room to think of all the dreams you killed in multiple affairs and lies.  Seeing you walk away with your swagger so obviously trolling for the next probable victim so young and unsuspecting.  Pursuing your conquests with delicious anticipation of destroying their beauty, their desires hopes and dreams.  

 A dream   catcher  and trapper.  Funny to say and even sadder to know that in cutting myself loose, somewhere out there is your next victim.  Who wont see your smile for the evil sneer, wont know that your laugh is at her expense, the way in which he walks to control your every moment and then your thought, his bit by bit reducing your space your time into little pieces of his construction.  You wont see his leer and that his greatest achievement will always be destroying the castle that symbolizes all who you are.  He will walk into your life and you will let him thinking him to be all that he convincingly portrays.  That mirror of his beauty is not his but yours reflected back to you.  That is why he chooses us as his.  We are shining beacons of light in his very dark and desperate world.  We are his drug of choice and he will never get enough.  Already taken what was never his to take.  I wish you would not give him a word, a glance…like a living corpse he walks among us as fake.  Nothing inside but empty shelves save for the feminine souls he stole. 

Save one…my heart he could not destroy.  Fighting always to get out and protect my soul from his monstrous control.  Valuing what I learned as a little girl.   My value never failed to myself or my hate for that soulless specter.  Kept me strong to the day when I finally said no more, not another second wasted on a single thought or nibbling question looking for answers.  The answer no longer mattered.  Just the journey that walking back into the light and all that it meant to me.  Taking back my life, not caring about the scars I acquired.  Trusting in my natural goodness to give me the strength to not look back. 

Whoever you victim next I wish her the very best.  My life is no longer defined by you or your lies.  You were dead to me long ago and not a day goes by that I miss you.  You and everything you are was trash and the effort it took to put you to the curb with the rest of the useless trash was worth it.  Your lies, your mouth, your entire way of being stinks with your lack of morality.  Best day of my life was kicking you out. 

As I sit writing this I look around me at my happy house, with my happy children and a smile on my face.  My future is full of hope and love and you will be nothing to me but a stranger on the street.  Passing and insignificant.  Your life nothing but a bad memory.

Samantha

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